Minnesota and Marriage: A Perspective from PFLAG Mankato

Last week, prior to the passage of marriage equality in the Minnesota State Senate, guest blogger Jody Swanson, a member of PFLAG Mankato in Minnesota, talked about the exciting moment when the vote took place on the floor of the State House...and all the work that led there:

Thirty or so Minnesotans gather around the TV screen oscillating between hushed listening silences, to rowdy raucousness.  All in attendance had a dog in this fight.  Their family’s or friend’s family future was at stake: LGBT center student regulars, same-sex couples, progressive faculty, and allies.  Hope and fear were palatable.  These marriage equality supporters gathered on May 9, 2013 at the Jim Chalgren LGBT Center at Minnesota State University – Mankato to watch the entire marriage equity bill debate and vote by the Minnesota House of Representatives.   Many present had worked for years, decades fighting for respect and dignity. 

My family, along with all of Minnesota, has been on a yearlong roller coaster ride.  Last summer, I was anguished and disgusted to learn my ‘Minnesota Nice’, had a November 2012 proposed state constitutional amendment vote, which if successful would eliminate any possibility of same-sex marriage.  We already had a state law banning gay marriage.  As a mother of two perfect children one of whom is gay, I wondered how could my state turn its back on my family and countless other wonderful LGBT citizens?  This ballot maneuver felt like my state was thrusting and twisting a knife in my back.  With this awareness, I soon came to believe that LGBT rights were the civil rights issue of my generation.    Somebody, a lot of somebody’s had to try to do something.  

Thankfully they, we did do something over and over again.  In my family’s case, it started with an in-person visit from a PFLAG National Field Manager direct from Washington DC to our small south central Minnesota PFLAG Mankato chapter.  That wakeup call got small balls rolling one at a time, each volunteer encouraging the next volunteer to do more with leadership from Minnesotans United.  Miraculously, the never ending phone banking, door knocking, yard signs, letters to the editor, fundraising and most of all connecting conversations sharing our family stories made the difference.   Unlike 30 previous states, on November 6, 2012 Minnesota voters 53% to 47% rejected the constitutional amendment stopping cold the discrimination momentum in its tracks.  

In December our equality team turned offense, time to fight for dignity and same-sex marriage rights with a new Minnesota state law.  Countless times friendly and foe state politicians were contacted including in person visits, phone calls, letters, emails and social media.  I even carried a picture of my amazing gay son to show my purpose, my skin in this game.  Plus, I would share that his brother, a military member, was fighting for all of our rights, including his brothers when deployed.  Our side lobbied legislators in St. Paul, plus door knocked their constituents, asking them to contact their Representative to voice support for same-sex marriage in Minnesota.

So there we were on Thursday, thirty or so gathered at a university’s LGBT center, intensely watching the Minnesota House of Representatives, speaker after speaker explain why they will be or will not be voting for the civil marriage bill.  Each speech evokes raw emotions in our room.  From thrilling excitement when Representative Clark Johnson calls out our ‘Jessica & Maria’ as one of his many reasons for his yes vote, to muffled tears of sadness and joy.  When the vote was called, the room’s collective held breath erupted with elation to the TV update: Passage 75 for, 59 against.  Cheers, tears, hugs and more tears no longer stifled. 

Now, with the passage in the house and Monday's passage in the State Senate, a new day, a new era is born in Minnesota.  We are all more equal, free and respected.  Two persons will be able to get married in Minnesota, including two men or two women.  Thank you to each legislator who voted YES.  Thank you to Governor Dayton for your leadership.  Thank you to each Minnesota volunteer and equality fight leader.  We made history, good history for Minnesota while standing on the shoulders of those who have sacrificed and gone before us.  My family and I thank you.  

Now, team tighten those seatbelts there are 38 other states long overdue for marriage equality.

PFLAG San Francisco Board Member Pens Op Ed for Bay Area Reporter

Congrats to Brandon Brock, PFLAG San Francisco Board member, who had his opinion piece published in the Bay Area Reporter.

Brandon's family story, as told by his brother Eric, is highlighted in the Amicus Brief that PFLAG submitted to the US Supreme Court for the Prop 8 challenge (the entirety of which can be read on our website here). In it, Eric  compares Brandon's marriage to his husband, Alexis, with his own marriage to his wife, J-Lynn. "Eric's takeaway," says Brandon, "...attending my marriage in New York made him no longer take for granted the marriage rights he enjoys with the woman he loves."

Truer and more beautiful words never spoken!

You can enjoy Brandon's entire piece by visiting the Bay Area Reporter at http://bayareareporter.net/openforum/opforum.php?sec=guest_op&id=416.

Way to go Brandon...and way to go, Eric!

PFLAG Atlanta hosts the Georgia State Conference: Leading With Love!

Have you wanted to do more than just watch PFLAG walk past in the Pride parade? Do you want to make a difference in your local GA LGBT community for hundreds of LGBT kids and adults, their parents and families?

PFLAG Atlanta is excited to announce that it will host all the Georgia PFLAG chapters and all interested people on Saturday April 20th 2013 in Atlanta for the 2013 Georgia PFLAG State Conference, “Leading with Love”! If you live in GA, you are invited to attend to meet other “beginner activists” from all over our great state. Our goal is to meet, network, share success stories in our communities and learn skills to make a positive impact on the lives of the people we serve. If you are thinking about starting a PFLAG chapter in your local community, city or town — or just want to help out an existing chapter — we’ll show you how! This would be a wonderful opportunity to meet some people who have started and run successful PFLAG chapters all over the South.

If you know of people in GA who would benefit from attending please forward this note to them! PFLAG Atlanta will pay for one hotel room (for the night before the conference) for every chapter that travels over 50 miles to our conference location.

The day will consist of networking sessions, a special keynote address and workshops covering a range of subjects ranging from how to build your website to educating ourselves on subjects as diverse as marriage equality, safe schools and transgender issues . By the end, you will have a good set of skills, a Rolodex full of contacts and a desire to make a difference! Registration is just $25 and includes a continental breakfast and a boxed lunch. Space is limited so reserve your spot today! 

REGISTRATION: http://leadingwithlove.pflagatl.org/

We each need to do more than just Like a post or share a picture! We need to create the change we seek  in the world!

When: Saturday April 20th 2013 from 9:00am to 5:00pm

Where: Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta (UUCA) Social Hall, 1605 Northeast Expy NE Atlanta, GA 30329

Map this | Get directions

If you are traveling from outside Atlanta and would like to arrive on Friday night, we have several PFLAG hosts who would welcome you into their home, but we have also negotiated a conference rate at a nearby hotel for those traveling in larger groups. Host accommodation is on a first come first served basis and we will reach out to you when you register to make arrangements. The next day, Sunday Apr 21st 2013, is our regular PFLAG meeting and those who attend are welcome to attend that as well to experience how a PFLAG meeting is run.

PFLAG Portland Black Chapter celebrates its anniversary!

Celebrate the Four Year Anniversary of PFLAG Portland Black Chapter hosted by Alexis Campbell Starr; featuring inspiring performances, and several special guests!

Date: Sunday, February 24, 2013
Doors: 5:30pm
Location: Curious Comedy Theater
5225 NE Martin Luther King Blvd
Portland, OR 97211
Tri-met accessible

Click here to get your tickets today! 

Space is limited – Buy Tickets on line today!
$10 in advance, $15 at the door
Admission includes buffet & program, cash bar available for 21 and over.
This is an all ages event and wheel chair accessible.

Meet the President of PFLAG SCV, Dave McEachern

This piece comes from the monthly PFLAG SCV newsletter - we thank them for this great submission on their chapter president!

After school one day, nearly 20 years ago, Dave McEachern's teenage son rode his bicycle to check out what an SCV (Santa Clarita Valley) PFLAG meeting was about. Only then did he decide it was OK to tell his dad and mom, Susan McEachern, to come to a PFLAG meeting - oh, and that he was gay.

Dave is a UCLA graduate, retired teacher and sometimes-antique dealer. Susan is a social worker and psychologist. The couple have been Santa Clarita Valley residents since 1975. Both their son and daughter grew up attending school within the William S. Hart School District.

Dave is the third president of SCV PFLAG since its inception in the early 1990s. His term began in the mid-1990s.

"I didn't know what to expect," said Dave, about attending his first meeting. "To be honest, back then, I wondered if folks there were going to be dressed up like the performers, The Village People."

 He was mistaken, and soon found he had much in common with the parents, friends and families in the little group. They were fellow suburbanites concerned about the well-being of their children. Although, he remembers, it first felt like just a few people staring at each other "like deer in the headlights," it soon became a place of great support and friendship.

"That's what SCV PFLAG is about," said Dave. "We support the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning) community by being their straight allies.

"It's exciting that we, as supporters, feel that we are snowballing toward the LGBTQ community enjoying the same laws,  and deserving the same respect that every American deserves. And we can't go back now."

The challenge remains, however, to get even more supporters to the monthly meetings.

Dave isn't afraid of challenges, though. He marched in the Watts riots and in the Civil Rights movement in the Southern United States. He also served in the Peace Corps.

 As the meetings continue to grow in size, SCV PFLAG's priority will remain to provide families of the LGBTQ community a safe and supportive environment.

PFLAG Springfield Holds Straight for Equality Event

Today, PFLAG National's Equality & Diversity Partnerships Coordinator, Jamie Henkel, shares the details of a terrific Straight for Equality event held in Missouri by PFLAG Springfield:

On November 1, 2012 PFLAG Springfield, MO held a Straight for Equality event at Drury University in partnership with the Center for Diversity and Reconciliation. With the help of local media, local organizations Spectrum, Lambda, and LGBTQA faculty and staff at MSU and Drury the event was a huge success. In the end they had nearly 100 people in attendance which exceeded the expectations of all involved. Lola Butcher, Kathy Munzinger, and the entire planning committee are very proud of what they accomplished.

The event featured a keynote speaker, Dr. Teresa Hornsby, co-chair of the Religion and Philosophy Department at Drury University, who focused her remarks on her interpretation of the Bible and homosexuality. The group then broke into three panels that focused on issues in the workplace, faith communities, and healthcare.

The workplace panel featured a representative from 3M, Merrill Lynch, and Bank of America. It also included a young woman who had suffered discrimination in her workplace who discussed the impact that had on her life. The workplace panel was by far the best attended.

The faith panel featured a parent and a member of the gay community who both shared their coming out stories and how it impacted their faith. It also featured another Drury professor who spoke about the open and affirming movement and the positive changes happening in faith communities all over the country.

The healthcare panel featured the medical director of AIDS Project of the Ozarks, a nurse practitioner, and a transgender activist who each spoke to the unique healthcare needs of the LGBT community. In planning, the chapter found it most difficult reaching healthcare institutions and finding panelists willing to participate in the event.

The feedback they received was overwhelmingly positive. One of the most common responses was actually that participants wished they could attend all three panels. They also found that many allies in attendance loved the “10 Things You Can Do to Be an Ally” and were looking for more information like that.

PFLAG Springfield is already planning their next Straight for Equality event for the spring. They’re hoping to host a half day event on a Saturday to accommodate people who could not event on a weeknight. They’re hoping to involve more information about a local non-discrimination ordinance that will likely be considered by city council in the coming year.  

PFLAG Lima Puts Straight for Equality in Faith Communities to Work!

PFLAG Lima has been doing some fantastic outreach in their community using the new Straight for Equality publication be not afraid – help is on the way! They have already done great work with churches where they have personal connections and are making the connections they need to start working with others. While they have experienced some push-back from some churches this program has given PFLAG Lima the opportunity to position themselves as a community resource for people of faith. With each and every contact they stress that their services are free, anonymous, and available for those in need at any time.

Ohio State Coordinator, Michael Ley, was hesitant to start working on faith issues in Lima. In recent years he has been asked to leave the church that he called home by not one, but two, different congregations. Despite the pain he still feels from that experience, Michael encouraged PFLAG Lima’s leadership team to step out of their comfort zone and to think about the ways they could reach churches all over town. Chapter President Robin Miller, President-Elect Ginny Ley, and Chapter Treasurer Kyle Sackinger have been instrumental in the success of this new chapter work. 

In PFLAG Lima’s experience thinking about each church individually was really important in determining the best way to reach people. They found that doing research about each denomination to better understand their position on these issues was helpful in determining how to start and then frame the conversation.  In the end, for some it meant having lunch one-on-one with the minster. For others it meant presenting information to the pastoral staff. And great things are already happening.

So far the lead pastor of one church has expressed great interest in partnering with PFLAG in the future. Another recently removed a question on their communication card asking about ‘relationship status’ to avoid making anyone feel out of place. And they are looking forward to doing more amazing work with Straight for Equality in Faith Communities to help move equality forward.

PFLAG Dad Strengthens Organizations through Commitment to Inclusion

Dave Parker has been an integral part of the leadership of PFLAG, promoting inclusion and equality for all LGBT individuals and their families. As a former member of PFLAG’s National Board and President of PFLAG’s Transgender Network (TNET), Dave has helped PFLAG become a stronger support system for all families.

Dave and his wife Joan learned that their second child was transitioning male to female beginning in April 2000. Shortly thereafter, Joan found an Ann Landers letter about a transgender woman who lost all contact with her family after she transitioned. Dave and Joan looked at each other and said, “We cannot do that.” They began researching the topic and, along the way, found PFLAG.

At their first PFLAG Greensboro meeting, Dave and Joan felt immediately welcomed. They were also comforted when they met a trans woman who was a member of the chapter. They stayed very involved in the chapter and in October 2002, Dave and Joan represented PFLAG Greensboro at the PFLAG National Conference in Columbus, Ohio. Dave and Joan cite this event as the beginning of their journey as advocates – they volunteered for TNET and joined the TransFamily Parents list, a support group for parents of transgender children, where Joan is a moderator.

Dave became a consistent leader of his PFLAG chapter and other local support groups. He was elected to the Board of Directors of PFLAG in October 2004. While on the Board, Dave helped guide PFLAG towards maintaining its commitment to full equality. In 2007, for example, Dave helped lead a unanimous Board decision that PFLAG would not support the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) after “gender identity” was removed from the bill.

In 2004, Dave was elected President of TNET and served through 2008, and again from 2011-2012. TNET began in 1995 as the Transgender Special Outreach Group and was created “to make [PFLAG] chapters aware of transgender issues,” said Dave. Prior to this, there was very little knowledge about issues that affect transgender and gender non-conforming individuals. To increase awareness, TNET sent newsletters twice a year to PFLAG chapters and created transgender coordinators, or TCords, who served as contacts between TNET and chapters. TNET became increasingly interwoven into PFLAG and now transgender and gender non-conforming issues are regularly addressed throughout chapters and PFLAG’s national leadership.

Currently, TNET is evolving into the Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming (TGNC) Advisory Council. This select group of PFLAG leaders will offer guidance to better inform the decision-making process for the Regional Directors Council, a network of PFLAG members who act as liaisons between PFLAG members and national leadership, on the organization’s strategic priorities as they relate to transgender and gender non-conforming individuals and communities. Dave has been working with PFLAG leaders over the last two years to create the Advisory Council and ensure that it continues TNET’s mission.

What started as a simple act of commitment and support for his own child turned into a lifelong passion for education and advocacy on behalf of all transgender and gender non-conforming people. This is the legacy of PFLAG…and the work that Dave Parker has so passionately pursued.

Dave and Joan Parker in  2010 when they were honored with the Equality Legacy Award by Human Rights Campaign, North Carolina

A PFLAG Mom's Journey to Becoming an Equality Activist

Today we hear from Betsy Hanger, PFLAG Pasadena Secretary. She shares her journey as a mother who became an activist for equality for all.

I’m the proud mother of a lesbian daughter, age 26, and a transgender son, age 22. My husband Peter and I had no idea our children were questioning their sexuality and gender when they came out to us in 2004. As a family we responded with unconditional love, but we had the usual heterosexual blinders – not exactly homophobic or transphobic, but certainly ignorant. I needed to do a lot of research on the medical and legal implications of our son’s gender correction, and wanted support during my quest for information. Peter and I needed to let go of fears that came up in the course of his transition. I found comfort online in the TransFamily Yahoo group, where I encountered Dave Parker and other PFLAG veterans in trans rights, and also in our local PFLAG chapter in Pasadena.

I loved PFLAG Pasadena from my first meeting. Within a few months Peter and I got trained to be PFLAG panel speakers with our son. Mid-decade, our chapter grew larger, with a Spanish-speaking meeting, and a fully staffed Executive Committee: I became Secretary and took on the membership drive.

As my son transitioned, it was important to me that he met as many trans people as possible so that his vision of himself and his future were grounded in reality. We found Children’s Hospital Los Angeles in January 2005, and through PFLAG, I learned about a local one-day conference called Models of Pride (MOP).

MOP is presented by LifeWorks, a mentoring and advocacy non-profit agency housed in the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center. It is a marvelous conference that empowers LGBTQ youth ages 12-24 to become educated about their rights, get to know one another, and access some of the amazing resources available to them in the greater LA area. I urged my son to attend, and went with him to the campus site to get him registered.

In 2006, I became a MOP volunteer and helped monitor workshops and provide icebreaker activities for nervous, excited teenagers.  I was honored that this primarily LGBTQ organization would be open to having a straight ally volunteer. It helped that I had taught music to teens since 1981, and feel really comfortable around them.

By 2007, my son, husband, and I started to volunteer to help educate groups on the needs of gender variant and trans teens. I developed a workshop for youth to answer questions about transgender issues at MOP. My son took on the leadership of the GSA at his high school, I became an advisor for mine.

In 2010, MOP invited local PFLAG parents to start a Parent Track. About thirty people attended a day of workshops. In 2011, I joined the planning committee and we grew to sixty parents, including two Spanish-speakers. This year, it was a tremendous surprise and honor to be asked to co-facilitate the 2012 Parent Track with Teresa Sitz, a local activist who co-founded PFLAG Silverlake. We grew beyond our wildest goals this year to 140 registrants and a three-track conference for family members, while the Youth Track exploded in scope to 1200 LGBTQ youth!

MOP celebrated its 20^th anniversary this year as the biggest one-day event for LGBTQ youth in the country. I was humbled to work alongside professional activists and to realize that as a straight ally and parent of two queer children, my perspective could be helpful. Teresa and I devoted many hours to planning the event.

Many of the attending parents had been brought to the conference by their children–some newly out, some very newly out!–so we provided base-line workshops to share coming out stories, medical and legal resources, and information about the supportive advocacy of a wide variety of community service providers. Parents comfortable with LGBTQ issues wore buttons saying “Talk to Me” or “Habla Me” to elicit supportive side-conversations with new parents.

We were thrilled when Dr. Earl Perkins of Los Angeles Unified School District (who has a lesbian sister) and Ms. Norma Roqué, distinguished investigative reporter with the Spanish-language television channel Univision (who has a gay brother), agreed to be our keynote speakers. Right before the conference, Dr. Steve Krantz, who has capably led the Western Region of PFLAG, announced that Jody Huckaby, the Executive Director, and Rabbi David Horowitz, PFLAG’s current President, would be in town and wanted to drop by the Parent Track to visit with parents, so we quickly set up a lunch round-table for them.

One of our Planning Committee’s most important goals was to create a Spanish-speaking track. Over half the youth registrants for MOP identify as Latino, and our Latino parents in PFLAG Pasadena understand the cultural nuances of the coming-out process for families. PFLAG mothers Elvira Diaz-Sanchez and Gizella Czene, who facilitate the monthly Spanish-speaking meeting of PFLAG Pasadena, were crucial members of the planning committee. They contacted religious, legal, and medical leaders to create an inclusive, comfortable atmosphere of camaraderie for Spanish speakers. Our outreach and efforts to provide translation even encouraged some parents to bring their parents.

We also scheduled a morning breakout session for parents with gender-variant youth. Kim Pearson, the Executive Director of TransYouth Family Allies (TYFA), facilitated a conversation called “The Top Ten Fears of Parents of Gender-Variant and Trans Children.” TYFA empowers children and families by partnering with communities to develop supportive environments in which gender may be expressed and respected. As always, PFLAG stories were very compelling, and MOP gave these parents a morning to explore commonalities and differences.

In addition to actively participating in MOP, PFLAG Pasadena is very busy these days. Our monthly support meetings get attendance of sometimes as many as 40 adults, with a thriving youth group of students ages 12-18. Our Executive Committee created a set of Higher Education Awards for graduating seniors and continuing students. Our Spanish-speaking group includes both adults who need support in their coming-out process, and parents with LGBTQ children. PFLAG Pasadena also began a new cross-chapter collaboration, the Southern California Safe Schools Coalition. We are partnering with the GSA Network and the ACLU to reach out to school districts. This group is headed by Brenda Thompson, PFLAG Northern Orange County President, and PFLAG National Board Member Marsha Aizumi, who co-founded PFLAG San Gabriel Valley Asian-Pacific Islander and is a member of PFLAG Pasadena.

We also aim to maintain our presence in the community, so we do many panels for local institutions and partner in fundraising efforts with Pasadena Pride Center and San Gabriel Valley Pride. In addition to our monthly support meetings, we encourage people to get active in marriage equality, advocacy for schools, and the Straight for Equality initiatives. This is important work, not just for our individual children and their future children, but in the evolving development of human rights across the globe. Being a PFLAG mom gives me the chance to act locally while feeling a strong personal connection to the greater evolution of our human family, beyond borders, beyond homophobia and transphobia, beyond prejudice.

PFLAG Maryland Chapters Spreading the Word for Marriage Equality: For Question 6

As the election quickly approaches, PFLAG chapters around the country are advocating for marriage equality. In Maine, Maryland, and Washington, voters will decide on marriage equality referendums in their respective states, and in Minnesota, voters have the opportunity to strike down a constitutional amendment that would ban marriage equality in their state.

In Maryland this year, Governor Martin O’Malley signed into law the Civil Marriage Protection Act, granting same-sex couples the right to marry in the state. In July, opponents of marriage equality collected enough signatures to put the measure on the ballot this November. PFLAG Maryland chapters are therefore working hard to inform voters about Question 6, which would affirm the Civil Marriage Protection Act. Through community outreach and collaboration, PFLAG Maryland chapters are spreading the word to Marylanders to vote For Question 6.

PFLAG Columbia-Howard County, for example, has created and issued "Vote for 6" yard signs for residents, and is organizing a PFLAG Canvass Weekend with Marylanders for Marriage Equality on November 3^rd and 4^th. “You are the most powerful voices in keeping marriage equality in Maryland and we need you now more than ever,” said the Canvass announcement, emphasizing PFLAG members’ effectiveness in changing hearts and minds. Additionally, members of PFLAG Columbia-Howard County are participating in “1Million Conversations Phone Banking,” an initiative to call voters and inform them about the marriage equality referendum. The next phone banks are Tuesday October 30^th and Wednesday October 31^st from 9 AM to 6 PM. On Election Day, the chapter will again join Marylanders for Marriage Equality to phone bank and encourage residents to vote for Question 6.

"Vote for 6" yard signs that PFLAG Howard County are distributing

PFLAG Baltimore is also doing fantastic work to ensure Question 6 passes. Several PFLAG Baltimore members are phone banking with a Catholic group for Marylanders for Marriage Equality and collecting signatures at the Fells Point Farmers Market. The chapter has also designed, printed, and distributed over 100 purple t-shirts bearing the message “Vote for the Civil Marriage Protection Act,” as well as red buttons which read “Vote for Question 6.” As highlighted in a September 28^th PFLAG Focus on the Field post, PFLAG Baltimore is also using Light Brigade, an innovative messaging tool that uses “lighted panels at dusk on highway over passes to communicate our message. The message will change but the intention is to bring attention to the need to vote in favor of the Civil Marriage Protection Act,” according to Light Brigade Maryland’s Facebook page.

PFLAG Baltimore advocating for Question 6 through Light Brigade

PFLAG Metro DC is engaged in wonderful efforts as well. The chapter has been using e-lists to inform voters about the importance of Question 6. Furthermore, PFLAG Metro DC has been soliciting donations for Marylanders for Marriage Equality and directing people to various volunteer activities through Marylanders for Marriage Equality. David Fishback, the Advocacy Chair of the chapter, has also expressed his opinion for the importance of marriage equality in the local press. In a recent article in the Gazette, David clarified that the Civil Marriage Protection Act includes religious exemptions and stated, “one-third of the 150 organizations that make up the Marylanders for Marriage Equality Coalition are religious institution churches, synagogues, the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, the Jewish Community Relations Council of Greater Washington and other religious groups.” He also organized coverage for last week's Early Voting at one of the Early Voting Centers in Rockville. In 2011, David made the case for marriage equality on a local news station, Fox DC. He spoke about the Senate decision to legalize same-sex marriage in Maryland and shared, “Parents, like my wife and I, of gay people are thrilled that their children who they love more than life, will be able to have the right to marry. Children who are gay will now be able to look forward to being full citizens in their communities.” Last May, David again demonstrated his support for marriage equality on another local news station, WUSA.

With these great efforts that inform voters about Question 6 and explain why the referendum is important to them, PFLAG Maryland chapters are paving the way for marriage equality in the state. According to a recent poll by the Baltimore Sun, likely voters in Maryland are in favor of Question 6, 49-percent to 39-percent. We applaud the efforts of these chapters to move equality forward and are optimistic that their great work will pay off on November 6^th.

For More Information: To learn more about PFLAG Columbia-Howard County, click here or email pflagmd@gmail.com. For more information about the chapter’s For Question 6 efforts, click here or email PFLAG Columbia-Howard County president Matt Thorn at matthew.f.thorn@gmail.com. The chapter meets the second Tuesday of each month from 7:30-9:30 PM at 7246 Cradlerock Way, Columbia, MD 21044.

To learn more about PFLAG Baltimore, click here or contact the chapter by clicking here. For more information about Light Brigade Maryland, click here. PFLAG Baltimore meets the fourth Tuesday of each month at 7 PM at 1710 Dulaney Valley Road, Lutherville, MD 21093.

To learn more about PFLAG Metro DC, click here or email info@pflagdc.org. To read David’s article defending Question 6 in the Gazette, click here, to watch him support marriage equality on Fox DC, click here, and to watch him share on WUSA, click here. For more information about the chapter’s meetings and upcoming events, click here.

Things I Didn’t Know

This week, we hear from Lori Brown, PFLAG Bellevue Chair. Lori shares her her son’s coming out story, about her involvement with PFLAG, and the importance of approving Referendum 74, the upcoming marriage equality referendum in Washington. Her moving testimonial demonstrates the power of PFLAG members to change hearts and minds, and the significance of the upcoming marriage equality ballot measures in Washington, Maine, Maryland, and Minnesota.

I would like to share with you some things that I have learned about my son – and about myself – that I didn’t know four years ago.

Here is my son Ian’s first grade school picture. I have used this picture many times when speaking to parents because it demonstrates how self-assured and happy he looked when it was taken. This is before he discovered that he would have a tougher time in school learning to read, write, and spell than most of his peers because he was born with dyslexia. His second and third grade pictures show a child who is trying too hard to look happy – a forced smile with sad eyes. Thank goodness he was able to reach his full potential because of teachers who knew how he learned best. 

Here is a picture of Ian at 13. He is a big baseball fan and one of his favorite teams is the St. Louis Cardinals! At this time of his life, he was collecting baseball cards and baseball caps from major league teams. He still has quite a collection. In this picture, he is wearing his Cougar cap, telling us that he wants to attend Washington State University after he graduates from high school. Ian did in fact attend WSU with a degree in Business Administration. His last semester, he made the President’s List. 

The picture was taken about a year before he began questioning his orientation during his freshman year in high school. That year he had a meltdown, which I thought was due to his adjustment to a new school as most of his friends went on to different high schools. His sophomore year did end up a success, but I still didn’t know what was really bothering him.

Several years later, the Christmas of his sophomore year at WSU, Ian declared his major and applied for the business school. I went into the computer room to call him to dinner, expecting to find him there. The room was empty, but the computer was on. There was a webpage up that showed a rejection from WSU.  Ian had not been accepted into the business school.  It said he met all the requirements, but there were a lot of applicants and he should resubmit in a few months.

I went up to his room and there he was lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling. I told him that I saw the rejection notice and that he just needed to resubmit, reminded him that he had never really been rejected before, that he had been accepted to all the universities he had applied to, that in this life we all face a little rejection. He sat up in bed and with tears streaming down his handsome face he said, “But Mom, you don’t know.  I could be rejected by my friends, my family members, maybe some teachers and people at church.” And so I asked the question that needed to be answered that night: “Ian, are you gay?” He nodded yes. I brought him into my arms and we hugged. He wiped his eyes, went into the bathroom, and threw up.  

One thing I knew before Ian’s coming out was that one’s orientation is not a lifestyle, a preference, or a choice because we have gays and lesbians in our family. My husband’s brother is gay. He was able to marry his partner, Ted, because they live in Massachusetts. Our niece Kelly has a domestic partnership with Anne, who gave birth to their twins two years ago. They live in Minnesota. 

What I didn’t know is how this “coming out” would redefine my life forever. I didn’t know the coming out process is so gut wrenching for our children, even if they have been born to an accepting family. I didn’t know that Ian had to travel his own journey of self-acceptance before he could ever “come out” to his father and me. And I didn’t know that my prayers would be answered the following summer because by that time, I realized I needed to know more. I didn’t expect to see a “closet” float being pulled down the streets of my city surrounded by people dressed as parents. This closet float said, “Closets are for Clothes Not our Kids,” and that is how I was introduced to my PFLAG family.

Through PFLAG, I was able to attend workshops and conventions from Olympia, Washington to Washington, D.C. I didn’t know that gay children in their early teens are nine times more likely to attempt to take their lives than their peers. I met the mothers of some of these children. Rejection is sometimes too tough to bear when it seems like the whole world is judging you. 

I used to think that it didn’t matter if one called a committed relationship a civil union, a domestic partnership, or a marriage. But I can’t help but think of the 1960s when I was growing up. There were so many things I didn’t know about the Civil Rights Movement.

 When I was a young girl, I didn’t know that there were fountains in the South for “Whites Only.” Think of how that would feel! You weren’t “good enough” to drink from the “Whites Only” fountain if you were African American. It’s separate but equal, and extremely hurtful.

Years later when I was in the teacher’s lounge in Alaska, I asked my friend and colleague Rosemary what is was like to grow up in New Orleans…all those great restaurants! I didn’t know she hadn’t been allowed to eat at those places as a little girl because of the color of her skin and that when her 80 year old mother would visit her in Alaska, she would still ask if the restaurant they were walking into was “acceptable.”

So when you see the bright red Reject 74 signs on the street, I hope you remember that this is another form of rejection for those children who are traveling their journey to self-acceptance. 

I know now that it is so important to call the committed, loving union between two men and two women, marriage. It makes their love valid. It is a sign of the acceptance of a civilized society. The approval of Referendum 74 won’t separate families; it will unite them. It won’t threaten my marriage of 38 years; it will only make me value it more. And finally, passing this referendum won’t hurt children either; it might just save some of them.  

Thanks for listening,

Lori Brown, Chair

PFLAG Bellevue

PFLAG Taos’ Community Efforts to Move Equality Forward

PFLAG Taos members are doing wonderful work to engage their community and move equality forward!

This week, PFLAG Taos hosted their annual bake sale to raise funds for their two $1,000 scholarships that they award each spring. One scholarship is awarded to a self-identified LGBTQ student and the other goes to a straight ally. “This will be our third year [awarding scholarships] and the response and support from the Taos Community is tremendous and heartwarming,” shared Barbara Sheppard, PFLAG Taos Speakers Bureau Coordinator.

PFLAG Taos members participating in their bake sale to raise funds for their annual scholarships.

In addition to awarding scholarship to students, PFLAG Taos is also very involved in educating local youth about issues that affect the LGBT community. PFLAG Taos’ Speakers Bureau has been very active over the past two years and was recently invited to Taos High School to participate in the freshman class retreat. Members of the PFLAG Taos Speakers Bureau presented to about 250 students and some faculty members. Over three days, the Speakers Bureau had five 90-minute sessions that included panel presentations, a film screening, and a conversation about the many issues that face the LGBT community.

This fantastic community involvement was also present in PFLAG Taos’ National Coming Out Day 10-11-12 Diversity Dance Party. Barbara wanted to expand Coming Out Day to include the many diverse groups in Taos. “The thought of including everyone coming out to be just who they are and be accepted by others coming out to be just who they are makes most sense to me,” said Barbara. Barbara reached out to Matt Thomas and his partner Richard Spera to help plan the event, and Matt created a video that will be shown at the dance. “It is a collage of local folks and folks from other parts of the Country and beyond coming out for equality, peace, acceptance, love, their favorite food, and many other ways we all continually come out in our lives. We will also have a photo booth put together by Sparrow Photography for folks to come out from behind the curtain however they wish to,” said Barbara. The wonderful theme of feeling free to be yourself is apparent in all aspects of this event. In discussing the goals of the Diversity Dance, Barbara shared, “The evening promises to be fun and a time to both embrace our richly diverse community and promote equality for all.”

PFLAG Taos members Matt Thomas and Richard Spera showing what they're coming out for and promoting the National Coming Out Day 10-11-12 Diversity Dance Party.

The great relationship PFLAG Taos has with the community is evident. “I also want to mention how moved I have been to see the outpouring of support from the Taos Community. We have tremendous support from individuals, businesses and nonprofit organizations,” said Barbara.

A flyer for the National Coming Out Day 10-11-12 Diversity Dance

We are inspired by PFLAG Taos’ commitment to their community and creative outreach. Their dedication is evident and their passion shows through in all of their work. We applaud PFLAG Taos members for their efforts and thank them for moving equality forward.

For More Information: To learn more about PFLAG Taos, visit their website by clicking here or email pflagtaos@gmail.com. PFLAG Taos’ next meeting is Sunday, November 4^th from 5-7 PM at 1335 Gusdorf Road, Suite R.

PFLAG Chapters Teaming Up to Change Hearts and Minds in Marriage Equality Referendum States

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PFLAG chapters across the country are teaming up to advocate for marriage equality this election season. In Washington, Maine, and Maryland, voters will consider measures to legalize same-sex marriage, and in Minnesota, voters are voting on a proposed amendment to ban same-sex marriage. With the vast implications for marriage equality this election season, PFLAG teamwork is helping to pave the way for equality.

One example of this collaboration is in Washington. PFLAG San Francisco members are teaming up with PFLAG Bellevue and PFLAG Tacoma to promote Referendum 74, which will legalize marriage equality in the state. “We are proud to say that PFLAG San Francisco is taking action to help send a pro-equality message into the hearts and minds of Washington voters by producing a video and by starting a PFLAG San Francisco Team fundraising effort with Washington United For Marriage,” said PFLAG San Francisco Board Member Lori Hawkins.

This coalition created a video for marriage equality that features two PFLAG San Francisco board members, Lori and Ray, an interracial couple who have been married for 26 years. Lori and Ray compare the unjust laws that previously banned interracial marriage to those that ban same-sex marriage today. “Now there was a time when interracial couples like us couldn’t get married. And now the question is whether same-sex couples should be given the same rights,” states Lori. This moving argument is informing voters about this election’s high stakes and has already helped the coalition reach 110% of their fundraising goal!

PFLAG San Francisco members are clear that a win in Washington is a win for all LGBT people and their family and friends. Brandon, a PFLAG San Francisco Board Member who produced the video about Lori and Ray, said, “Proposition 8 four years ago really hurt us here in San Francisco and it hurts every LGBT citizen when public votes take away existing civil marriage rights. We have an incredible opportunity to show the country that the tide is turning and it's pointing towards equality. PFLAG San Francisco wanted to do its part to promote the Approve Referendum 74 campaign and raise some cash to help get out the message that marriage is about love, commitment and no one, straight or gay, should be denied that.”

We applaud PFLAG San Francisco, PFLAG Bellevue, and PFLAG Tacoma for their wonderful teamwork and hard work they are doing to promote marriage equality in Washington. With these powerful messages and personal stories, PFLAG chapters are changing voters’ hearts and minds across the country.

For More Information: To learn more about PFLAG San Francisco, please visit their website by clicking here. PFLAG San Francisco meets the second Sunday of each month from 2-4 PM in the St. Lutheran Church Parish Hall, 152 Church Street near Market. For more information, email pflagsf@aol.com.

To learn more about PFLAG Bellevue, visit their Facebook page by clicking here. PFLAG Bellevue meets the third Thursday of every month at 7 PM at Bellevue First United Methodist Church, 1934 108^th Ave. NE, Bellevue. For more information, call 425-483-6642.

To learn more about PFLAG Tacoma, please visit their website by clicking here. PFLAG Tacoma meets the second Thursday of each month from 7-9 PM at St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church, 7410 S. 12^th St., Tacoma. For more information, email mail@pflagtacoma.org.

We want to hear what your chapter is doing! Email us at fieldfocus@pflag.org and send us updates about your chapter.

To watch the video about Lori and Ray, please click the play button on the video below.

PFLAG Dallas Founder Included in a Dallas LGBT Archives Project

Pat Stone, a founder of PFLAG Dallas, recently gave a speech to the Dallas Way, a group that is archiving work done in the Dallas and North Texas areas for LGBT equality and creating a “GLBT History Project.” In her speech, Stone discussed founding the PFLAG chapter in 1992 after her daughter came out, serving as the Southern Regional Director, and sitting on the National Board in 1997. Stone realized she was a lesbian in 1996, and later started a group in Dallas called “Late Bloomers.”

When her daughter came out, Stone felt initial apprehension, soon replaced by enthusiasm to advocate for her daughter. She founded PFLAG and found her voice. “I had never been a public speaker, but when you must fight for the rights of your child it becomes easier to speak out,” recalled Stone.

Stone and a few other moms started PFLAG and reached out to the community. At early PFLAG Dallas meetings, 50 to 100 people would attend. The chapter had many successes, including hosting former Dallas Mayor Ron Kirk and organizing protests against discrimination. In addition to regular support meetings, Stone served on the Helpline to talk with and encourage LGBT people and parents. The chapter also spoke to the local school board and on radio talk shows. Though the feedback was not always positive, Stone and other PFLAG Dallas members continued to speak out and further LGBT equality in their community.

This great work led Stone to serve as a PFLAG Regional Director and on the National Board. Stone’s efforts were recognized with many awards, including the Extra Mile Award and the Dallas Gay and Lesbian Board of Director’s Award.

In the midst of this success, Stone said, “Things got a little rocky in the fall of 1996 when I realized I was a lesbian.” She realized her orientation after listening to LGBT activist Lori Masters speak. Of this interaction with Masters, Stone said, “[this] was the catalyst for me seeing my true orientation, an orientation I feel was there all along.”

Stone reflected on the difficulty in coming out to her husband and family. However, she received much support from PFLAG and her daughter, who had come out just seven years prior.

Stone’s coming out sparked an interest in LGBT media across the country. One article included an interview with her about her journey. It was entitled “Late Bloomer.” This story led to the founding of Late Bloomers, a group Stone started for women who feel they came out later in life. She wanted to use her story to help women in similar situations. Late Bloomers received local acclaim and has helped many women deal with coming out.

Stone’s personal experiences and deep involvement with PFLAG and other LGBT groups makes her a great resource for the Dallas community. Through her journey of a conservative upbringing, 35 years of marriage, and advocating for her daughter, Stone has a wealth of experiences and insight that can help people in many situations. We thank her for sharing her journey and serving as such a wonderful resource for PFLAG and LGBT people and their families and friends.

For More Information: To learn more about PFLAG Dallas, please click here or email info@pflagdallas.org.

To learn more about Dallas Way, click here.

To watch Stone’s speech, click Play on the two YouTube videos below. Please note that her speech is split into two videos, Part 4a and 4b.